Intermission

As we wrap up programming with our first school, I want to hit the pause button and let things soak in. We have now been implementing student led peer mediation training for the last three months and it is one of the highlights of the work we do at Conflict Resolution Center – St. Louis.

This blog serves as a record book of notable moments in this piloting process, and we believe having this documentation will be a primary source to help answer the question, “How can we improve our next time around?” It has also given us reason to give thanks.

In this moment of reflection, we want to thank those of you following our journey. We love sharing the joyous and challenging moments with you, and hope that you have been able to take away something from our experiences as well.

I am also experiencing feelings of gratitude to this process, to our kids who welcome us each week, to our staff, and for those who have done peer mediation work before us.

Soon, we will hit the unpause button and go back to programming and lesson planning and facilitating and a few hundred other things with our partnerships (we have plans to run a peer mediation program at our local library in the summer. Yay!) but now, we rest.

Reflections on Student Engagement and Morale

We’ve gotten to the stage with our weekly peer mediation training sessions where students are familiar with our consistent presence in their school. We get buzzed into the school main doors, the staff at the welcome desk warmly greets us, points to the sign-in book, and soon, we make our way to our designated spot. With comfort and routine, however, often brings new challenges.

Many of our students show excitement of us being there, engaging in the material, asking thoughtful questions to create lively conversation. There are some students who come in, distracted from the last hour, some come in exhausted with only a few hours of sleep the previous night, and others who choose not to come. 

It is important to note that although every student is not always engaged, we are asking a lot of them– we’re asking them to rethink how conflict is handled in their school system, a concept that often doesn’t get challenged. It can often feel like a heavy task. 

But sometimes the introspection comes later and we feel moments of defeat. And to be fully honest, sometimes this is hard. It can be difficult seeing students choose that this program is not the best fit for them, or to be in a session with low engagement. I often wonder: How do we know that they’re taking anything away from any of this? 

After experiencing one of those sessions (one of the harder ones), our sponsor came to us and told us that she has something to share. She went on to explain that a teacher complimented one of the students in our program. The teacher noticed the student's ability to process conflict in a healthier manner than prior to the program.  The sponsor added that it is often difficult to see the effects of a program like this and so she was sure to convey the message. That was pretty cool to hear.

At the end of each session, we revisit the staff at the front desk and sign out. They smile, sometimes ask how the students are doing with the material, and always enthusiastically state, “See you next week!" While these weekly sessions can often feel challenging, and like a small drop in the bucket of the student experience, we are reenergized by the fact that these small sessions can create ripple effects, even when we don’t see the results. Students are slowly starting to engage with conflict in different and meaningful ways, and that is something that cannot always be measured and defined.

Bring the Peace

Today at peer mediation training, we threw our lessons out the window. At first, my co-facilitator and I were nervous because, although we’ve taken detours in our lesson, we’ve never completely scrapped our plans. But, after our students came short of breath, talking about a fight that had happened earlier in the day, we as facilitators needed to make a quick decision about moving forward. After an exchanged glance, we asked the students “What do you need from us?” They asked for time to talk and reflect over the fight that many of them witnessed. 

The group talked and shared and listened, and sometimes, they passionately argued about what actually went down. For students, this debrief gave them an opportunity to process their feelings and to de-escalate from a stressful situation. For the facilitators, it was a helpful way to learn more about them and their tendencies during challenging situations.

As we wrapped up the session, students expressed their appreciation for providing space that accommodated their present, real-life needs. As students trickled out of the office, one stayed behind. They shared that they liked the space we were cultivating and that it brought them peace. 

Although we will now be a week behind our curriculum, this peer mediation space is providing some calm in moments of chaos. And that’s pretty cool work. 

Student Voice is Our Best Lesson

We have now been at our school for six sessions. In those six sessions, we have covered topics such as defining conflict, active listening strategies, the roadmap of the mediation process, and roleplays (more notes on this to come!). Teaching students about peer mediation has been good. It’s been really good, and we’re learning how to deviate from our lesson plans when students challenge us with new perspectives and thoughts to consider. 

For example, the other week, we introduced the concept of mirroring. I was first taught about mirroring in college, so asking middle schoolers to grab on was challenging, and yet they rose to our expectations without hesitation. That isn’t to say that we did not have questions come up. After my co-facilitator and I modeled ‘mirroring’ in a role-play and asked for feedback, a student called out “It sounded like you were mimicking her!” In hindsight, the comment made sense, but in the moment we wanted to get closer to the objective: mirroring is a good way to empathetically listen. This comment threw a wrench in our plans and, at first, we didn’t know how to handle it. If we deviated from our plan, we’d lose time from our session, so we kept moving the conversation forward, not fully addressing our student’s remark. 

After the sessions and reflection, we realized that we missed a learning moment in insisting on sticking with our lesson plan exactly as we had prepared it. The student made a valuable observation– tone matters, context matters, and there is a thin line between mirroring and mimicking, so how can we make the distinction between the two?

At the next session, our co-facilitator and I prioritized addressing our student’s comments and concerns. We spent time validating what our student said, how it was important, and where the line might fall between mirroring/mimicking fell. The conversation was helpful– students identified small, crucial differences and we were grateful to have a detour from our original lesson. It also helped to cultivate an open, collaborative environment and reinforced the idea that students’ opinions mattered in our created peer mediation training space. 

This process is teaching us to stop and consider student observations and to be unafraid to spend time digging deeper in conversations we are not fully prepared to have. For me, those are the moments and lessons that will linger the longest.

First Day Jitters

Like most peoples’ first days, we were feeling a sense of anticipation, nervousness, and excitement going into our first pilot peer mediation session with a group of nine middle schoolers.

When we were first introduced to the students who we would be working with, they thought they were in trouble and we had to explain that they were actually there because they were selected for something good! 

After an icebreaker and an explanation of who we were and what peer mediation was, students started getting a little more comfortable and even excited that we would have weekly sessions together. 

Coming into an established space can be intimidating, but after now having a few weeks under our belt, the jitters are gone from both sides and instead, the group is ready to tackle the topic at hand (this week: conflict styles) and thankfully, they don’t think they’re in trouble either!