Student Voice is Our Best Lesson

We have now been at our school for six sessions. In those six sessions, we have covered topics such as defining conflict, active listening strategies, the roadmap of the mediation process, and roleplays (more notes on this to come!). Teaching students about peer mediation has been good. It’s been really good, and we’re learning how to deviate from our lesson plans when students challenge us with new perspectives and thoughts to consider. 

For example, the other week, we introduced the concept of mirroring. I was first taught about mirroring in college, so asking middle schoolers to grab on was challenging, and yet they rose to our expectations without hesitation. That isn’t to say that we did not have questions come up. After my co-facilitator and I modeled ‘mirroring’ in a role-play and asked for feedback, a student called out “It sounded like you were mimicking her!” In hindsight, the comment made sense, but in the moment we wanted to get closer to the objective: mirroring is a good way to empathetically listen. This comment threw a wrench in our plans and, at first, we didn’t know how to handle it. If we deviated from our plan, we’d lose time from our session, so we kept moving the conversation forward, not fully addressing our student’s remark. 

After the sessions and reflection, we realized that we missed a learning moment in insisting on sticking with our lesson plan exactly as we had prepared it. The student made a valuable observation– tone matters, context matters, and there is a thin line between mirroring and mimicking, so how can we make the distinction between the two?

At the next session, our co-facilitator and I prioritized addressing our student’s comments and concerns. We spent time validating what our student said, how it was important, and where the line might fall between mirroring/mimicking fell. The conversation was helpful– students identified small, crucial differences and we were grateful to have a detour from our original lesson. It also helped to cultivate an open, collaborative environment and reinforced the idea that students’ opinions mattered in our created peer mediation training space. 

This process is teaching us to stop and consider student observations and to be unafraid to spend time digging deeper in conversations we are not fully prepared to have. For me, those are the moments and lessons that will linger the longest.

Activities Spelled Out: Conflict Escalation

We recently had a conversation with our students about conflict escalation so we could demonstrate the mediator’s role as someone who would de-escalate a conflict, not escalate it. To illustrate this, we used a conflict escalation exercise adapted from www.peermediationonline.org. By relying on examples similar to situations students may encounter at school, this exercise allows for students to break down behaviors and feelings that lead to an escalated argument. 

Our students enjoyed the process of breaking down conflict escalation through this activity, and one even added “Can we do it again?” We hope that this activity provides engaging and helpful conversations as you implement it in your respective spaces!

Objectives:

• Students should see how feelings are related to behavior;

• Students realize how some behaviors and feelings made the conflict worse;

• Students should understand how some behaviors/interventions could have made the conflict less intense.

Supplies Needed: 

• Chart paper with staircase drawn on it

• Markers

• Escalated Incident Scenario 

Escalated Incident Scenarios:

*Examples are written as though the students in group are witnessing escalation scenario 

Example: You’re (in English class and you see one of your classmates walk up to the front of the room, grab a tissue and blow their nose. Afterwards, they linger at the front of the room and slowly make their way back to their seat, whispering to a friend as they sit down. The teacher is lecturing but doesn’t say anything at first. A minute later, the same student gets back up and grabs a tissue again. This time, they just hold it and start looking around the classroom, where the rest of the class can see. They don’t seem to be paying attention to the teacher, and the teacher now looks upset. The teacher stops talking and tells the student to sit down but the student quickly responds, “I’m just blowing my nose!” The teacher responds immediately, “You’re clearly not. Sit down now.” The student refuses and the teacher announces “You’re being disruptive. Go sit down or you can leave!” The student then says, “Fine,” and walks out of the classroom.

Example: It’s 5th period gym class and you are in the dodgeball unit. Normally most people don’t really care about who wins or loses but you’ve noticed that people have been pretty competitive during the last couple of periods. With the last three minutes of the period, your PE teacher refs a close call. They declare that a student from the other team is safe on third base and the score is tied 7-7. You quickly jump in with the complaints until you hear your teammate on third base yell, “What the f—k?! I tagged him!” The teacher doesn’t say anything at first, and the student on third smiles and says, “That sucks.” Your teammate glares at him and quietly says, “F—k you.” At this point, the teacher yells for the students to “knock it off and use appropriate school language,” but the students don’t seem to hear because next thing you know, one is shoving the other and quickly, it turns into a full-on fight before the PE teacher is able to separate them. 

Activity Directions:

To illustrate the escalation of a conflict, break groups into small groups of 3 to 4 people. Each group will receive a piece of chart paper with a staircase drawn on it. Then give each group a scenario about an escalated incident (two examples are provided for use). 

After giving students a chance to read their scenario, ask them to identify and write down emotions and/or behaviors that intensify the scenario. Each step of the staircase should progress in intensity, starting from the bottom of the staircase. When the students have identified all the emotions and behaviors that led to the intensification of the conflict, have them go back and identify behaviors or interventions that could have reduced the conflict. 

Spend a few minutes debriefing the takeaways from the activity and discuss ways they can use de escalation strategies in their own lives.

First Day Jitters

Like most peoples’ first days, we were feeling a sense of anticipation, nervousness, and excitement going into our first pilot peer mediation session with a group of nine middle schoolers.

When we were first introduced to the students who we would be working with, they thought they were in trouble and we had to explain that they were actually there because they were selected for something good! 

After an icebreaker and an explanation of who we were and what peer mediation was, students started getting a little more comfortable and even excited that we would have weekly sessions together. 

Coming into an established space can be intimidating, but after now having a few weeks under our belt, the jitters are gone from both sides and instead, the group is ready to tackle the topic at hand (this week: conflict styles) and thankfully, they don’t think they’re in trouble either! 

Welcome!

Resolving conflict through civil conversation and clear, direct problem solving?

This sounds impossible to accomplish among adults, but with a group of teenagers? Forget about it! But yet, that’s exactly what we are aiming to do at Conflict Resolution Center– St. Louis with our pilot peer mediation program. In summer of 2022, we received a grant from the St. Louis Mental Health Board to design and implement a student-led peer mediation program in a few St. Louis city middle and high schools. 

Since early February, we have been in a St. Louis charter middle school and working with a group of nine students to train them to become peer mediators. By the end of the semester, our goal is to empower and teach our students how to lead difficult conversations, helping to resolve issues among their peers. Ultimately, we hope this will reduce suspension rates among the school population and give students a sense of ownership in what resolving conflicts at school can look like.

Our purpose for this blog is to share the ins and outs of peer mediation, and to keep you updated on our journey of lessons we’re learning (and mistakes we’re making) along the way. Stay tuned!